I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
