so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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