Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
