I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
