after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
the liver wants what the liver wants
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Floor bacon is actually really good
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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