i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
