Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
