Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
