FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
