hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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