OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
