I only kidnapped one of them. chill
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
