Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
