just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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