Apparently you make a good broom.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
