The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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