They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
