so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize