some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Randomize
