the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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