so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
