the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
