My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize