I hate your face
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
