note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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