My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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