Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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