I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
