official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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