We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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