I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
