She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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