He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
