Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
The best revenge is premature balding
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
