Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
