Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize