i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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