So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
