Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize