I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
