Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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