That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
