Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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