Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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