someone threw a dead crab at me
I just saw a hot homeless man
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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