This dress was meant to end up on your floor
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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