ugly people sure do ruin things
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
i need some magic done to my vagina
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
