Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
