Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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