Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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