If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
