i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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