dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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