I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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