sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
