I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
