she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
