I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
