You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize