I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Randomize
