Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
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