i'm signing you up for texting rehab
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
