You made me cry and you don't even care
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
