I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
